Gove? Urgh. How Bad Can it Get?



So we get Gove. I don’t quite know what to make of this just yet. The man is clearly a venal little weasel, but then that doesn’t necessarily put him top (or bottom if you prefer) in my arbitrary list of awful choices for Secretary for (the environment), Food, and Rural Affairs. But then he has some pretty stiff competition.

The last seven years have seen some absolute corkers thrown up to plug the role of NFU yes-man (or woman). Although more recently the position appears to have become some form of purgatory for those who dare challenge the Maybot.

So here, in descending order, is my own personal league table of those who for the course of the now slowly dying Tory government have sullied the position by wilfully ignoring the whole ‘environment’ part of their job description.


Ah, bless her. She didn’t really have a chance to demonstrate her skills. For the past year she has been about as visible as Hen Harriers on a grouse moor, probably discerning that it might be for the best to keep her head down and her face out of May’s eyeline. As a mother, and therefore with a vested interest in the future, you could have been mistaken for thinking that she would actually care about things like climate change and biodiversity. Instead her only contribution appears to have been washing up at the NFU conference and telling them they could have the moon on a stick after Brexit.


I must confess that Spelman is a bit of a blank spot in my mind, from which I deduce that she was a bit of a non-entity. However, from reading her wiki-bio it appears that in a rare example of someone actually being appointed to a government post they have real-life experience for, she worked for the NFU for 3 years. Admittedly that might have made her ever-so-slightly biased in her outlook. Apparently she also owns a lobbying firm for the food industry, so…swings and roundabouts, eh? Although, it’s clearly mainly swings, isn’t it?


Comedy gold, if nothing else. And honestly, she wasn’t a lot else. Appears to be going from strength to strength post-post, which I can only assume is another example of May attempting to surround herself with people who can in no way show her up with their competence. During her tenure, Defra attempted to close the wildlife crime unit, funding was withdrawn from local environmental records centres and Pre-Referendum, Natural England tried to row back on some of the EPS license outlines. Used to work for Shell. But does at least acknowledge climate change.

Which brings us nicely on to…


The absolute nadir. A nincompoop of the highest order. A self-serving, self-aggrandising, smug, narrow-minded, punchable little shit. He of the badger relocated goalposts.

A Climate Change denier. Let me just repeat that…a climate change denier. As Secretary for the Environment. Refuses to listen to reason and science because he’s just got a gut feeling, y’know?

If you’re house has flooded in the last five years – blame Patterson.

If you’re a badger with a murdered family member – blame Patterson.

If parts of Essex are underwater in fifty years – blame Patterson

Famously referred to the environmental movement as ‘The Green Blob’. Again, let me repeat that, the Secretary for the Environment openly disparaged the environmental movement.

He’s since gone on to talk nonsense about Ecomodernism (how the environment can be saved be even more intensive farming) and, perhaps not surprisingly, to support the Leave campaign.

A jackass.

So go ahead, Gove. Do your worst. I suspect you’re not going to have very long to do it in anyway.


3 thoughts on “Gove? Urgh. How Bad Can it Get?

  1. Well said, all of it.

    I deduce from your passionate assessment that you, like I, work in the environment sector, probably for a Government department or eNGO.

    I wrote my own ‘school report’ for a colleague yesterday which went along the following lines.

    Caroline Spelman – Actually not too bad. Introduced the first new environmental legislation for a generation (the Natural Environment White Paper) which never made it to a Bill, but advanced a number of environmental schemes. Shot herself in the foot with selling off the national forest (something Gove fully supported and voted for) – failed, and talking about standpipes during the 2012 drought…this is a real no no. Fired

    Owen Patterson: toxic climate change sceptic/denier, utterly unfit for the job. Will forever be remembered by decent and competent environmental professionals and environmentalists for his ‘green blob’ swipe. Arrogant and stupid. Big mates with the ghastly John Redwood, and despiser of the public sector (goes with being a Tory I suppose). Roasted for forgetting his wellies on a Ministerial visit to a flooded community. Pillock. Fired.

    Elizabeth Truss. Utterly incompetent. Interested only in downsizing Defra, and set in motion the centralisation of corporate services, in the name of efficiency, we await the lack of savings realised, disruption caused and diminished service to customers. Moved on before she got found out, but her moment came at the Ministry of Justice from which she has just been emoted. Unspeakably stupid.

    Andrea Loathsome: somewhat benign, so much more confident in her ability than she ought to be. Loser in the leadership contest to that dreadful loser Theresa May. Complete focus on agriculture trade with the world and on dreaming of a beautiful Brexit. Didn’t last long enough to do too much damage, but you might want to ask the elephants.

    Treacherous Michael Gove. Absolutely nothing nice about him at all. Zero environmental credentials. Catastrophic in the various offices he has held. Determined to deregulate environmental protection…a genuine threat to our environment. I could go on for a long while, but am hoping he and the rest of them will be out of office before long.

    A very sad few years for the Environment. Does anyone remember David Cameron’s hollow words ‘the greenest government ever’. Bollocks!



    • I don’t know why I have a complete blankwhen it comes to Spelman.

      Sounds like Gove has said some nice words to the WWF today, but I suspect he’ll say something equally comforting to the NFU, anyone looking to frack our national parks or whoever the heck he happens to be talking to on that specific day

      Liked by 1 person

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